Best Comeback I Can Remember

Been getting into too many rants lately which is getting me down, so I’ve got to lighten things up a little.

Going back to the “best” list I started when I was devoid of meaningful posts, here is one of the best comebacks I have heard while in the ED.

To set the scene, I did my training in an inner-city ED. There was one little nurse who was about 4 foot nothing who had the biggest loudest mouth of anyone in the ED. And if something was on her mind, she had no problems saying it. She had no problems loudly commenting on someone’s body odor (”Is someone frying fish in here or WHAT?”), weight (”that woman’s going to need TWO beds to lay in”), or attitude (”tell it to the haaaaand”).

One day a lady came in for a pregnancy-related issue. She was 39 years old and stated that she had 22 children. Joanie had a fit. “That’s half our damn waiting room.” “What the hell does she drive them around in … a school bus? Somebody see if there’s a school bus parked out front.”

When the woman got brought back to a room, there were 5 or 6 kids tagging along behind her. As she was walking into the room, Joanie wasted no time. In the middle of the ED, she loudly said “DAMN, woman, didn’t anybody teach you about birth control?!?”

The room got quiet. The patient stopped walking, hesitated a couple seconds for the drama, then loudly said over her shoulder “If I wanted counseling, I’d make an appointment.” Then she sauntered into the room and shut the door.

That was one of the few times Joanie didn’t have a retort. Seeing Joanie standing there with a dropped jaw and a blank look on her face was way funnier than the patient’s comeback - which made the comeback twice as funny. The only comment Joanie could come up with later on was “You KNOW that’s not the first time she’s used that line on someone.”