Goin’ Straight
Posted by WhiteCoat on December 28, 2007
One of the amusing things about working in a small community hospital every once in a while is that everyone in town knows everyone else in town.
One 65 year old patient who was brought in by ambulance for a stroke caused quite a stir with the staff - not because of his symptoms, but because of his reputation.
As he was being wheeled off the ambulance and into the room, one nurse knew him by sight. “He tried to charge us $1200 for painting one room in our house! We laughed at him when he gave us that quote.”
The patient had expressive aphasia and couldn’t move his right arm or his right leg. Since he had woken with the symptoms, we weren’t able to give him thrombolytics. During his workup, we found a bullet in his upper back on a chest x-ray. The radiologist called over in a dither, worried that the patient had been shot. No recent injuries — must have been in the war or have led a rough life, we thought.
The following morning, the patient was still in the emergency department when the morning shift arrived. One of the morning nurses took one look at the patient and gasped.
“Come here,” as she quickly fanned her hand in the air, “… Quick!” I sauntered over to the corner.
“That guy is a criminal! He’s spent the better part of his adult life in jail.”
“OK, so I won’t go out drinking with him.”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait. He robs banks! And he’s a dummy because he robs banks in his own town.”
“OK. I use direct deposit … in the city. But I’ll keep him away from my wallet … thanks for the tip.”
Then she started giggling. “He got shot in the arm during one of his heists. The cops said they should never have shot him. The bullet only made him run faster. He ended up getting away.”
That gave me the giggles.
“But wait! A couple of weeks ago he was sitting in a coffee shop and my husband walked in. He went up to my husband and asked him if he wanted to ‘do another job’!”
“Whaaat?”
“I’m serious! He said that he was just ‘itching’ to pull off another job and needed someone to help him. He kept saying how much fun it would be. ‘You whip out a gun and wave it around and everybody screams and drops to the ground. It’s a riot!’ he said. In fact, he said that it was the most fun to watch the branch managers because they were the first ones to run out the door. He said it was like they learned that in bank manager school or something.” My husband wouldn’t do it and [the patient] kept elbowing him and saying ‘Come on, it will be a barrel of laughs.’”
After this ED visit, it looks like the patient is going to have to find another way to have fun.
December 28, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Gee that guy is just a “barrel” of laughs…I’ll bet hanging out with him is more fun than the Saturday night movies! NOT!
To think it is fun to make people to FEAR for their lives? I know we all have value but sometimes …
So true about community hospitals - knowing people…which has it’s pros and “cons”. Ha ha no pun intended there, but it works!
When I first moved up here (37 years ago New Year’s weekend wow!)it was so rural-mostly farms everywhere and hardly a car on the road and that says a lot for NJ. (although no one ever complained about black bears)Everyone seemed to know everyone even from other towns. Predictably the demographics have grown in my opinion due to the numerous town house/condo communities, vacation attraction and businesses to the point that traffic on these country roads can be ridiculous during rush hour. Ok brevity with words not my strong suit but I said all that to say that in spite of the significantly increased population growth pts are often known to someone on the hospital staff. When I first moved up here people used to say “be careful who you talk about because everyone is related up here.” It was that small back then. City people used to think our hospital looked like a post office but then they never saw one of our post offices which are more modern now.
December 28, 2007 at 6:56 pm
I don’t know, SeaSpray. He sounds more fun than the branch managers . . .
December 28, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Haha…maybe I am no one to judge. I did play an awful(God forgive me because I still think it was hilarious and well executed)joke involving a swamp snake on my husband. He also thought we were all in immanent danger. Then again it wasn’t a gun totin snake wielding it in every which direction threatening people. I suppose the shrinks could have a field day with that one.
P.S. I know I deserved a tarantula on my pillow after that.
December 30, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Hey, Seaspray…I didn’t know you were in my neck of the woods. I can’t claim 37 years though..we moved to northern NJ 17 years ago. I love riding my motorcycle up into Sussex Cty from where I am in Morris cty. There are some beautiful areas up there, and not much traffic.
December 30, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Hi Dawn-guess you could say we’re neighbors.
Yes it is still pretty up here. I think when there are multiple condo/town house units with 400 families or per complex around the county that it puts a strain on our roads. The ski area/Mountain Creek resort built a huge hotel up here. And then there is The Spa. Crystal Springs has grown and added the new country Club in Hardyston. They have plans for a lot of upscale stores over that way and there are many golf courses up here and close to the resort area. It was so different from the Jersey shore and I was madder than a hornet that I had to move up here and used to threaten that when I am 18 I am moving back to the shore! I love it up here! Just sad to see the farmlands disappearing compared to what they were. Also more people commute through our county from PA and NY state. Progress-inevitable but I think we are still considered rural. Maybe the black bear population has grown but I also think we see more of them in our yards now because their natural habitat is being disrupted.
Morris county has pretty places too, although you are busier on the roads. I spent a lot of time driving around your county on my Lifeline job. (I often opted to come in on the Green using Sussex Tpk vs 287-just depended on time of day.) Didn’t George Washington have his headquarters down there? A motorcycle? NICE!
I haven’t been on one in so long but I always loved the free feeling on the road with my hair whipping around (not the tiny knots though or that rush of heat when you stop)and just feeling one with everything. I was only a passenger though…must be awesome to be riding it yourself. Autumn is real nice for that up here. 